Ch 16: Are We There Yet?
As an aspiring author, the internet was inspiration, frustration, and distraction.
Research comes naturally to me. Actually, I enjoy it. So when God told me I was going to need a website, I was ready and willing to run with that. If anything, researching websites was a nice diversion from writing. I could afford to take a little break while waiting for feedback from my early reviewers. I was sure that, once I heard back from them, I’d be finished writing by the end of June.
[Editor's Note: This article is Chapter 16 in my serialized spiritual memoir Well Guided: My Life as a Student at the International Academy of God, in which I share some of the many ways God has had a hand in my life. Access previous chapters via the Table of Contents.]
Blogging, I knew, would be core to my website. (It isn’t that way now, but it was back then.) Parked in front of my computer monitor for hours and days, I gobbled up every how-to-start-a-blog article I could find. I studied every blog sample in lists of Top 10 Blogs to Copy Now. I filled page after page of a spiral notebook with ideas and plans for my website.
But I was still confused about what sort of site I should be building. Most of the sites I looked at were written by famous authors, touting their famous books. This just frustrated me, since I hadn’t even finished writing that first book.
In addition to researching how to blog, I was drawn to sites offering to teach me how to self-publish, even though I was far from having a book ready to publish. I also signed up for a bunch of free offers and mailing lists promising to teach me the secrets of authorship and the then-novel business of authorpreneurship. I began to be lured down the path of thinking maybe I could actually make some money from all my hard work.
In fact, the possibility that I could make money from all this hard work was the only thing that kept my marriage from going off the rails. Sure, we still had our farm land. But the middle of a huge recession is not an ideal time to sell real estate. We needed cash flow, and soon.
An Extended Staycation
When Husband and I sold our convenience store business in June of 2008, it was with the idea that we had enough cash to take a year off to decompress and figure out what to do next before one of us committed to a new business or to a job.
We figured we owed ourselves this break, seeing as we hadn't had a real vacation in ten years. That math, at least, seemed reasonable. At the time we were laid off from Westinghouse, we each were getting five weeks of vacation annually. We had been planning and then operating the business for about 10 years. Five weeks times ten years is 50 weeks. Or about a one-year make-up staycation.
The question was, then what?
I was interested in starting another business, albeit smaller. Much smaller. As in a one-woman show. Dabbling in eBay sales right after selling our store satisfied that itch. Husband, though, didn't want to have anything to do with owning a business ever again. To him, being a business owner meant having employees. Having employees meant having a whole lot of headaches. And he never wanted to have those headaches again, ever.
On top of that, Husband couldn't really find any job he was suited for. Ten years on, most of his technical skills had faded. And when he looked at job listings, it seemed no one wanted to hire an ex-small-business-owner.
Now that our break year was at a close, our savings were dwindling. I was getting more anxious to find a way of generating cash flow again. And that made me a sucker for the "get rich quick" promises popping up all over the internet. Some people were getting rich that way, and getting even richer by claiming to be able to help people like me do the same.
You know those marketing emails with enticing subject lines? The ones that seem too good to be true? Well, I fell for the one that said “Finish Your E-book in 72 Hours or Less.” Wow! Talk about an attention grabber! Was there really some secret method that would allow me to finish that quickly? Dollar signs flashed before my eyes.
As I looked deeper into what that one email promised, I realized it was about those short eBooks marketers use to get you interested in something else they have to sell. (The technical term, if you're interested, is lead magnets.) The online course being offered was not going to teach me how to write a full-sized book in one weekend.
But after having successfully navigated most of the ebook checklist, I did think I at least had all the content I needed to get my book written. Even if a 72-hour deadline was completely ridiculous. Boy, was I wrong.
Channeling Jessica Fletcher
By now, I had started the actual writing, thinking I could just bang it all out in a month. Thirty days seemed like a reasonable expectation, although I have no idea why. Just a nice round number, I guess.
In my mind, I envisioned typing away, like Jessica Fletcher (from the 80s TV show Murder, She Wrote). Almost. After all, even I didn't think I was going to start with Chapter 1 and keep typing until The End. I instinctively knew the best approach was to write as the material came to me, regardless of where it would ultimately fit into the book.
However, looking back, I can say that I honestly had no concept of the normal process of writing and rewriting.
I now know that a book takes multiple drafts, and that’s a good thing. It gives you time to refine your thinking and hone your craft. Time to build a support network that, ideally, includes some of the audience you hope to reach. Not to belabor the obvious, but creative writing is an art form; building those skills takes time.
And there really was no reason I would know what that normal process looked like. I didn’t pal around with creative writers, or authors of any kind. I am an avid reader. But I was an outsider to the mysterious world of writing and publishing, with no way of knowing all the steps it takes. My comfort zone was research–which is why I was learning on the fly by cozying up to the internet and falling for those adrenalin-pumping marketing emails.
Outside of a few college English classes, the only writing I had ever done was technical reports and business procedures. In either case, you already know what you're going to say, and you say it. Done. The only non-technical writers I had ever been exposed to were on TV or in movies. As far as I knew, the biggest problem was figuring out what the book should be about. That was Chevy Chase's problem (as Andy Farmer in Funny Farm), right? And God had taken care of that issue for me already. So, now all I had to do was write it.
But try as I might to get it done, other things kept getting in the way. At least I thought they were in the way.
For instance, I started looking at the formatting style of popular Christian authors, such as Rick Warren, Charles Swindoll, Charles Stanley, and Max Lucado. Just looking, you know, to see their chapter headings, so I could develop a format I liked. Was I getting ahead of myself? Again? Definitely.
As if looking at formatting styles wasn't distraction enough, I allowed myself to be distracted by reading through some of those books – all while continuing to fill more pages in my notebook. I still had no clue that reading was an important part of an author's job. Even while I was soaking up authors whose works made sense to read, I chastised myself for taking these “detours.”
A Bad Assumption
I was scheduled to preach on June 21st, on the theme of Calm Our Storms. Oh, no. Another distraction, I thought. And Sunday was only a few days off.
But as I sat at my desk, researching scripture and getting my thoughts down on paper, I realized I was gaining new insights and writing new material that was going to fit into the book. I hadn’t accepted that this is the way God intended it to be. Not yet. I thought I already had everything I needed to write. Consequently, I stressed over every little sidestep.
What was only just beginning to dawn on me was that the more detours I took, the more material I was creating.
I had assumed that start with everything you already have… meant … and this is all you'll need. I was wrong, but I didn’t know it. Not yet. Fortunately, between the sermon detour and the way things worked out with the Ministry by Monogamy chapter, I was starting to see that no effort would be wasted.
Despite that growing insight, toward the end of June and my looming self-imposed deadline, I was maddingly frustrated with the fact that the end was still far off. Seventy-two hours was way too little time to write a book, and yet it felt like I was taking way too much time.
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It had become crystal clear that getting the book done by the end of June just wasn't going to happen. Looking back on my June 26th journal entry, I realize I sounded like that kid asking Mommy and Daddy, “Are we there yet?”
And God, ever patient, replied.
Do not fail to complete this book you have worked so hard on for low these many months. Indeed, even when you are not working, you really are. You may be waiting, you may be pondering, you may be doing other things that may be useful later. Do not worry because you don't write each day. There is other work to be done. My ways are not your ways, nor are my thoughts your thoughts.
Well, that was a relief! I felt a bit less frustrated and a lot less guilty. God was okay with what I was doing. I got back to work with a renewed sense of commitment.
Then a call came from Pastor Vicki, one of my reviewers.
I’ve been looking over the outline you sent me. I’m so pleased with the direction you’re heading. And I love the title—Heavenly Father’s Day. Especially after the sermon Dave just preached on Father’s Day a few weeks ago.
As it turns out, Dave was scheduled to speak on both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day this year. He said this made him realize that we have many special days for special things—Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Children’s Day, Pentecost, Easter, and so on—but we never have a special day for our Heavenly Father.
What a coincidence that that’s what you say at the beginning of your book. I see it as a clear confirmation of what you’re writing, and what you named your book.
I hope you’ll keep going. I can’t wait to read the rest.
I breathed yet another sigh of relief. In addition to Pastor Vicki's full support, I was now hearing back from some of the other reviewers. They were also positive, and encouraged me to continue.
With that blend of relief, confidence, and encouragement, I was prepared to slog ahead through the hot Southern summer. And adjust my sights to a more realistic deadline.
Now I told myself I would finish by the end of July. End of August at the latest.
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