Ch 4: Sorting God’s Voice from My Own
Seek not to know your future. Only through questioning can you find the truth.
From the very beginning of my journey in Listening for Guidance, God has shared things I didn't ask about. This has always felt to me like evidence I was actually communicating with a Higher Power. Of course, I recognize there will always be those who will chalk this up to my own deeply buried subconscious taking the opportunity to speak up. But in the beginning, the question of sorting God’s voice from my own just wasn’t on my radar.
[Editor's Note: This article is Chapter 4 in my serialized memoir Well Guided: My Life as a Student at the International Academy of God, in which I share some of the many ways God has had a hand in my life. Access previous chapters via the Table of Contents.]
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Actually, when I look at these revelations in retrospect, I think both can be true. In fact, when my second child was not the girl God seemed to have promised (multiple times), it was obvious something more was going on than just getting messages from the divine. Because God doesn't lie, right?
Well, let's put a pin in that. Let's also put a pin in the statement that a true prophet's prophecies always come to pass.
Whose Message Is It?
Five years into the journey, in 1995, I had been recently laid off from my corporate job. I finally had the time to really step back, review, and consider my journaling experience.
On a long road trip to evaluate some franchise opportunities, I recorded the story of how I got started with spiritual journaling. I was thinking about writing a book. As I drove, I spoke into a little voice recorder with tiny cassettes. (Digital recording was still years into the future.)
This mental review led to a deeper dive into the true nature of just what was going on. I made a trip to the local mall bookstore and perused the spirituality section for anything that looked like it might talk about spiritual journaling. I needed to know if similar books already existed.
The only book I could find was a small paperback: God Calling, by Two Listeners, edited by A.J. Russell and first published in 1934. I really only read the preface, the introduction, and the first few chapters. I skimmed the rest, and it was enough to convince me I wasn’t alone as an everyday person receiving messages from God in modern times.
(Unfortunately, I did not also go looking for a book the Listeners mentioned, For Sinners Only, for another 27 years. That book would have helped me even more. But I guess I found what I needed at the time.)
I was so overjoyed at finding this book that I actually wrote a prayer in it, right at the end of the introduction. (This was unusual for me. I almost never write in my books.)
Thank you, Lord, for letting me find this book. I love you. Amen. ssh 9-16-95
Sometimes It Is Me
A couple of weeks later (October 1, 1995), I asked the Spirit to explain some things.
Thank you for this great gift you have given me, for no one I know has this kind of direct, personal, frequent, on-demand contact with you. Help me to understand how best I can use it. Are there others I should be asking about? Should I invite church friends to suggest questions? Or should I just continue to keep our letters on a primarily personal basis?
Thank you also for my conversations with Doris. She provided me with some good words I can use to perhaps explain these letters to others. She mentioned the sense of writing so fast that you have no time to absorb the information until you re-read what you wrote. Help me as I find time to write my book to find the words that will impart the greatest understanding and lead to the widest acceptance of my story.
The response was helpful and to the point.
Sometimes you sense your own mind and soul trying to impinge on my words. At times, I have allowed this to happen, such as when you wanted so badly for your second child to be a girl. You must guard against this by being aware that it can happen and by fighting the urge when you sense it. If no words of mine are coming, just be still for a moment or re-read my message. Resist always the temptation to allow your own mind and soul to interject. Amen.
Ok, good answer. It’s mostly God. And sometimes it’s me filtering the message. But how was I supposed to know the difference?
Asking the Teacher
Another couple of weeks later, over the weekend of October 13, 1995, I was at Women's Retreat, again. And so was Gail, the teacher from five years prior. What an opportunity to share my experiences and get my questions answered!
As I excitedly told her about all the wonderful ways God had been guiding me, she seemed remarkably unimpressed. This was a surprise. The few people I had told at this point had been in awe of what seemed like a special, unusual gift. Apparently, in some circles, it was not.
But what she said about what had happened that weekend in 1990 really surprised me. She explained that normally when she taught spiritual journaling, she would say, “Turn the page and write what you think God would say.” But, as I crystal-clearly remembered, what she said to my class in 1990 was, “Turn the page and write whatever comes into your head.” Big difference.
Then I asked her about how to tell if the message was of divine origin or not. She told me, “True direction will stand the test of time.”
Also, she mentioned she had gotten her material from How to Keep a Spiritual Journal by Ronald Klug. I went out and bought it right away. But, once again, I only skimmed it, just enough to get the gist of what he was saying. I didn’t truly read Klug’s book for another 12 or 13 years. Turns out, he spends some time talking about my big question. (Sigh!)
Why didn’t I read it more thoroughly? It’s my M.O., to be honest. I have numerous shelves full of books I’ve either only skimmed or plan to get to someday. I guess I can blame it on three of my strongest internal parts: the Scientist, the Procrastinator, and the Perfectionist.
To me, it feels pointless to fully read a non-fiction book unless I’m also taking notes. Otherwise, it will be too hard to either recall the information or to recall where I read something I want to cite later. So I just wait to read it until I really need the information.
Asking Other Experts
Another couple years went by. In October 1997, I found myself at Women’s Retreat yet again. The instructor this time was Anne. She had us do a listening exercise. My notes on this are missing any mention of how she started us off. But I can make an educated guess.
I assume she had us sit quietly, listen for the spontaneous thoughts of our inner spirit, and write what came into our head. She might have said, “Write what you think God would say.” That seems to be sort of a standard workaround to accommodate those who might otherwise say they didn’t hear anything.
What I heard that day was guidance in areas that aren’t relevant at the moment. (But I did write it down.)
After we listened and wrote, Anne had some finish-the-sentence reflection exercises for us.
Anne’s prompt: When I see this… [i.e., what we had just written]
My response: …I am aware that God has spoken to me regarding things I must know now for my life now.Anne’s prompt: When I think about God, I wonder…
My response: …who he really is and why I should listen to him. Is he really telling me all these things or is it just my own brain? I appreciate the evaluation part because I know some things in my journal have been wrong. And yet oftentimes the spirit has chastised me, and has clearly foretold events/things at other times. How do I know what is from God versus what is from just me? Amen.
After the class, I spoke to Anne about my journal. Just like Gail, she wasn’t particularly surprised or impressed. I asked her the questions I had written in my latter response.
She made three points:
With time and experience and hindsight, I’ll be able to tell what is God’s Spirit and what isn’t.
When what I hear is something like, “I can’t tell you what to do [because you have your agency]…here’s something to consider,” it’s God.
Anything that sounds like fortune telling is me.
At the end of my notes from that weekend, I had written this prayer:
Thank you for the opportunity to talk to Anne about my journal. Help me to avoid interjecting my own thoughts and to allow your message to come through clearly.
Getting Definitive Answers
The next spring (May 1998), I was at our congregation’s annual Memorial Day Weekend Family Retreat. Of course, I took my journal. (By now, I’m sure you’ve noticed how important retreats have been in my life and in my relationship with God.)
In my entry that weekend, I mostly just expressed gratitude for what God was doing for me and my family. I didn’t have any particular concern at that moment. I ended with:
Is there anything you would have me know?
The response was confirmation of what Gail and Anne had told me.
Naught of what I have said to you is true, save it be this: that it be in keeping with my principles and my scriptures. Seek not to know what psychics can tell. Seek not to know your future. Seek only to know how you can live and discern my spirit in your life. Amen.
This was clear and definitive. From now on, I would be able to sort God’s voice from my own.
Beyond Guidance
As I reflect on my journey now, in 2023, as I’m writing these words, I can see many, many times when God has guided me via two-way journaling (aka Listening for Guidance) without sounding like a fortune teller. This has included multiple instances of guidance regarding housing, career, business, parenting, and ministry. Through all of these discussions, sometimes the messages were in response to a question I asked, and sometimes the divine Counselor had volunteered a suggestion.
Even before my discussions with Gail and Anne, I had grown to trust the messages more and more as things in my life worked out in ways that confirmed the original guidance. But every now and then, God would give me sort-of “out there” information that seemed to be impossible to confirm.
One particularly "out-there" thread was about what's going on in the afterlife. It started in the Groundhog Day message of 1991.
My beloved Anne [my great-aunt] continues to do good work among my people in the afterlife. Do not worry about her or any of your dead relatives. They are all employed in my service here as you will be someday as well, working side by side with your mother, [step-mother], and others in your family, as you teach the unchurched ([i.e., unchurched while] on earth) of my ways. My ways are strange to many, yet to you I give a small glimpse of how it will be in heaven, for you must know of these things if you are to be of service on earth.
Don Jr. [my friend’s father, who passed in October 1990] even now serves me in my celestial kingdom of heaven. He is a good and true servant, and I needed him here more than you (plural) needed him there. Be not concerned about him. (You may repeat this to [his family] if you wish and can comfortably do so without tears.)
That one felt pretty weird. In fact, it forced me to review what that “celestial kingdom” stuff was all about. Putting a pin in that one!
And note that my journal entry that day began with
It is difficult to believe your words, or that they come from you, sometimes.
And the response had been
…only through questioning … can you find the truth.
This message about Don didn’t sound like fortune telling, but neither was it something I could ever expect to confirm in this lifetime.
Uncharted Territory
Eventually, there were a few other messages about the afterlife. But at the moment, I want to stick with those that mention Don.
Specifically, there was another message about Don in the afterlife. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be written in any of my spiritual journals. Perhaps someday I will come across it in some random notebook or other.
Over time, my memory of this incident has become clouded. But, oh, the blessings of being a minister! I was able to find an outline of the story in the notes for a sermon I delivered in 2019.
Here’s the story, based on those sermon notes.
As I mentioned already, Don passed away in late 1990. He was in his early 60s. His passing was not unexpected as he had been having health problems for some time.
At the time he passed, he held the priesthood office of High Priest (generally indicating a high level of administrative authority). His wife, Vicki, had been ordained to Elder (sort of a step below High Priest) in the mid-1980s, shortly after our faith tradition began ordaining women. In fact, she was the first female priesthood member in our congregation.
After Don passed, Vicki eventually was ordained to High Priest and served as our congregation’s Pastor (an elected position) for a number of years. (In fact, Vicki was a very significant spiritual mentor to me. She ordained me to my first priesthood office.)
Finally, in her 70s, Vicki was ordained to the office of Evangelist. Those in this specialized office are responsible for listening for and then communicating God’s words of life guidance to those who request such guidance. (Requesters tend to be people in their early adult years, although this isn’t exclusively true.)
And, really, I’ve only given you the tip of the iceberg in terms of the positive impact she had in many ministry-related endeavors.
Taken?
Now here’s the interesting part. At some point, the Spirit let me know that Don had been taken because Vicki would never reach her full potential in ministry as long as Don was alive. Being a woman who had married before the Women’s Liberation movement changed the marriage dynamic, she had seen herself as subject to him.
Also, the Spirit reminded me that Don was busy teaching in heaven. (Before you let this taking-of-Don thing freak you out, let me just say that, based on other messages I’ve received, God views life and death differently than we do. But that’s a conversation for another time.)
When my father, Ron, passed away in 2006, we had a memorial service for him in Pittsburgh. Vicki delivered the eulogy. (She talked about what a great team Ron and Don had been, especially when it came to building projects at Temple Grove campground.)
As it happened, my stepmother Lois’s stepson, Barry, came to this service. Except for Ron and Lois’s wedding, he hadn’t been to church in about 30 years. But the congregation’s welcome was so warm that he began attending again. He got to know Vicki pretty well. I knew they respected one another’s sensitivity to the Spirit.
A few years later, I had the opportunity to attend church in Pittsburgh again. And Vicki was speaking again. On my way out of the sanctuary, she greeted me. I took the opportunity to tell her what the Spirit had told me. That Don was teaching in heaven. That he had been taken so Vicki could magnify her own ministry.
She responded in amazement, “Oh. You know, Barry said the same thing to me.”
And there it was. The confirmation I never expected to receive.
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Sharon: this chapter is good instructional material and illustrative of my, “When to take action”, comment. I have very much enjoyed your revelations of your spiritual journey. Thank you.