Wk 1: Are You in Spiritual Trauma?
Start Your Journey by Taking Your Bearings
We All Lose Faith at Some Point
Most American adults, at some point, have gone through or will go through at least a minor, momentary crisis of faith. Maybe you’re in one right now.
Like so many other things in life, our level of faith and spirituality falls on a continuum. And where we are on that continuum can change over time.
At one end is the person who has decided (or has been raised to believe) there is no God/Higher Power. At the other end is a life-long, highly spiritual devotee (who is at this moment bristling at the suggestion that they might ever, ever have a doubt about their Creator).
Filling in the middle are people (like me) who at some point have said a Prayer of Desperation. They have cried out "Why me, Lord?" or "Help Me, God!" or "If you're even listening, Spirit…”
Moments like these are usually— fortunately— turning points. Some people call these “teachable moments.” I went through one such moment in my mid-twenties when it became obvious that my marriage had been dealt a death blow.
At the age of 25, I was happily married, had a great job working for a boss I loved, already owned my own home, and had started night school to earn a master’s degree. Then one day my wonderful life came crashing down when my husband of four years admitted to me that he thought he might be in love with someone else. In that instant, my world fell apart. All I could pray was “what did I do that was so bad, that this happened to me?”
Perhaps you’ve had such a moment. At least one.
Are You in Trauma Right Now?
I understand the trauma some have gone through as a result of others—sometimes in their own faith communities—behaving in unfaithful ways. I have breathed the second-hand smoke from friends and family members traumatized by unkind words and actions. I have witnessed or heard stories of the results, from tears to suicide.
Some of these unfaithful faith communities have re-trenched, doubled down in their ultra-conservative, overly judgmental beliefs, in the face of outcry. Dug in their heels. And turned a generation against religion.
Christianity in particular, and religion in general, has undergone a shift in society’s perception.
A recent Canadian study reported that Canadian millennials viewed the word “religion” as anti-modern, conservative, American, and colonial. As an American, I find that “American” part amusing. The most outspoken among us are seen by the world as speaking for all.
[Let me not mislead you. On certain issues I consider myself to be conservative. But in terms of spirituality, I am not.]
If you share the Canadian millennials’ view of “religion,” here’s something that might surprise you.
Understandings Have Changed for Some of Us
Not all Christians, not all Muslims, not all Jews, and, I dare say, not all members of any religion, are conservatives. Some have expanded their understanding of the nature of God and have continued to listen for God's voice. I hope to introduce you to some of those new understandings that you might have missed while you were turned away in frustration, disgust, or harm.
Your faith community may have let you down, but God will not. The approach I teach is to build or re-build your relationship with God/Higher Power directly. With no middle-men or -women. God may eventually lead you to a new faith community, but that's between you and Them.
This approach, while considered normal to many, is not widely taught in conservative circles. We'll get into why that is the case.
My question to you is: are you ready for something new, something more, something unexpected and wonderful? If so, I hope you’ll join me as I lead the way from the darkness of spiritual trauma back into the light.
Your Assignments for Week 1
Week 1 is all about assessing where you are right now. Time to take your bearings.
A few years ago, I embarked on a new food program (Bright Line Eating) and lost 50 pounds. One of the regrets I have is that I didn’t follow the leader’s advice to take a “before” picture. There’s nothing like the ability to see clearly just how far you’ve come. So this week, take some time to think about and record where you are now spiritually. Your 12-month-from-now self will thank you.
For six days (out of the next seven), there is a brief reading and one or more questions. Your assignment is to complete the daily reading, answer the question(s) in your journal, and (optionally) to share on Substack.
In addition to appearing at the bottom of the weekly article, each day’s reading/prompt will be posted as a Substack note. Hopefully, this will be a convenient reminder. On Substack, you can respond at the bottom of the note (which is convenient, but public). Alternatively, you can DM me or post in the subscriber-only chat thread. Or, keep your responses totally private. You do you.
PROMPT #1: Faith and spirituality are on a continuum
Here’s how I envision this continuum:
One end: There is no God/Higher Power.
Other end: I have never had any doubt about my Creator.
In the middle: I have or have had doubts about God’s role in my life.
Also in the middle: My view of God has shifted over time.
Still in the middle: I’m spiritual but not religious.
Where we fall on that continuum can change over time.
Here’s where I have been:
I grew up going to church every Sunday. I took God for granted.
I quit attending shortly after my (first) wedding. My husband and I disagreed on which church to attend.
I went back again shortly after that marriage fell apart. This time I did not take God for granted.
While still attending my birth denomination today, that church’s (and my own) views of God have changed dramatically over the course of my life.
Where do you fall on the faith continuum today? Have you changed?
PROMPT #2: We All Lose Faith at Some Point
Most American adults, at some point, have gone through or will go through at least a minor, momentary crisis of faith.
At that moment, they tend to utter a Prayer of Desperation.
“Why me, Lord?"
"Help Me, God!"
"If you're even listening, Spirit…”
My moment came when I realized my (first) marriage was likely irretrievably broken. My prayer was “What did I do to deserve this?”
When have you uttered a Prayer of Desperation?
PROMPT #3: Where Are You Now, Religiously?
How would you position yourself with respect to religion?
There is no God/Higher Power
Spiritual but not religious
Religious progressive
Religious conservative
Still working it out
Is this a change? What is your history with religion?
PROMPT #4: Are You Feeling Spiritual Trauma?
I define spiritual trauma as experiencing a crisis of faith due to one or more of the following reasons:
Your person or your self-esteem has been directly attacked.
Your ability to care for yourself or your family has been threatened.
You have re-examined and deconstructed your long-held beliefs.
Someone close to you has suffered spiritual trauma.
Do you find yourself in any of these situations? What was the trigger?
How is your body responding to the stress? (Alternatively, think about how your body responded to a past trauma.)
PROMPT #5: How Important is Spirituality to You?
Our history and our personalities shape our current relationship to spirituality.
Some adults experience a mystical pull toward a Higher Power at some point.
Others never do.
Some adults crave the blessings of a faith community.
Others do not.
Some adults were raised to meet certain religious obligations.
Others were not.
Even if you’ve been through spiritual trauma, you may be feeling called back into some form of spirituality. Maybe an old form. Maybe a new form.
Think about what spiritual pull you may be experiencing now. How does it feel? Are you comfortable or uncomfortable about it? What are your concerns?
PROMPT #6: Your Relationship with God
There are lots of models (frameworks) to describe how people grow spiritually. Most of them map spiritual growth in terms of the closeness of your relationship to God—how central God is to your life. For example, here’s a 4-level framework (adapted from the 2007 Willow Creek Reveal Study):
Exploring: My faith is not a significant part of my life.
Growing: I am working on what it means to get to know God.
Close: I feel close to God and depend on Them daily for guidance.
Centered: My relationship to God is the most important one in my life.
What level would you say you are on today? Is this a change?
I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say!
Know someone who needs to hear this message? Please share or restack.
Have a great week!
