A Personal Story of Listening for Guidance, Part 3

Ch 9 in Listening for Guidance: A Little Known but Life-Changing Spiritual Practice

When I took that layoff, at the end of 1994, it was with a smile on my face and a spring in my step. I had been mentally preparing for this moment for twelve years. It was time to find my place in the exciting world of entrepreneurship. The American Dream. Nowhere to go but up.

But little did I know, I was merely rounding the top of the lift hill. And the coaster goes straight down from there, really fast.

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The End of Westinghouse

I had done a little bit of exploring in those last six weeks while still a Westinghouse employee, looking around at what businesses sounded interesting. It was like being out on the ocean, looking for a bit of land. Any land.

I had consulted God about what business to enter. That guidance was a little disappointing: 

… it is not for me to say what business you should enter, if any. Yet, know this, I will always be with you and will help you to avoid poor decisions…

You know, we all just want the answer, don’t we?

Although, I must admit, there was some other, more helpful, guidance about my key skills and needs.

And, serendipitously, I did run into an old neighbor who advised me to find a business that would be fun. (She was having fun selling real estate.) Great advice, I thought.

The Career Center

In January, I hit the ground running.

I researched some business opportunities I knew about. I read about franchising. I made phone calls.

Two weeks in, I had already eliminated a few options. Holy Spirit gave me a few more insights about myself, and I was off running again.

The Divine Career Counselor suggested I find myself a business broker. In retrospect, that might have been a good idea. For some reason, I never acted on that recommendation. I think it was partly because I had no clue what sort of business I was looking for.

As part of my severance package, I had full access to Westinghouse’s Career Center for several months. Luckily, it was only a few minutes from my house. I hungrily signed up for whatever they had to offer.

First up was a multi-session How to Start Your Own Business class. The instructor presented some of the nuts and bolts of starting a business, like what form of business to choose and what new taxes I could expect to pay. Details my MBA didn’t cover. 

And then I checked books out of the library on starting a business. Unfortunately, neither the class nor the books addressed exactly what business I should start.

Researching Myself

So then I dove deeper into figuring out my own skills and interests. I went back and reread What Color is Your Parachute? I took a computerized interest survey at the Career Center.

The results of the interest survey were fascinating: consulting and ministry, equally. Fascinating, yes, but neither of those sounded like a business I could start.

And there was another wrinkle I haven’t mentioned. I was trying to find a business Husband and I could start and operate together. He was still at Westinghouse, but we expected that wouldn’t be the case for much longer.

I continued to ask Guidance about my strengths, weaknesses, uniquity, competitive advantage, and key skills. Spirit gave me lots of good information there.

But as far as what business to begin, God kept putting that question back on me. The Giver of Free Will was definitely not going to tell me what to do. Never has.

Sometimes I would hear guidance such as this business doesn’t suit your skills and interests. Or some particular type of business would not work for you. While statements like that are super helpful in avoiding the wrong business, they didn’t guide me to the right business.

The Self-Imposed Deadline

In March, I flew to Raleigh, NC to interview a potential franchisor. I agonized over that deal, but ultimately decided against it. For one thing, Husband wasn’t at all interested in pursuing it.

I was focused all day every day on not much else other than finding a business to start. I was wearing myself out reading ads for franchises, calling to get information, and pouring over glossy brochures.

As each day passed with no decision made, I sank slowly into the worst depression of my life.

The problem was, I had made a commitment to myself that I would find a business to start in six months. That’s when my severance pay would run out.

Lamentations

All winter long and into the spring, I complained to God practically every week. (Compared to my usual frequency of journaling, this was a lot. Back then, I would often go a couple months between journal entries.)

On March 20, 1995, I received this guidance:

I know you grow weary of searching, yet you must search yet a little longer. It may take as long as six months for you two to be comfortable making a decision. I say again, look to a business broker. Otherwise, you are eliminating too many good options.

Interesting and specific advice. But, I didn’t take it. Sigh.

On April 6, 1995, I asked for guidance about what to ask for if I did visit a business broker. I felt like all I could articulate was what I didn’t want. I was clearly getting more frustrated. Spirit tried to calm me down:

You must not, I say again, decide too quickly about a business. Your frantic pace up until now has gotten you basically nowhere, so just sit back and enjoy your “vacation” while things get worked out.

The End of the Rope

Even though the Divine CEO was giving me permission to sit back and enjoy life, I couldn’t seem to do that. Until Husband forced my hand.

My depression and the resulting change in my personality drove him to the end of his rope. One afternoon, after some particularly wild outburst on my part, he called me out to the yard. Out where the kids wouldn’t hear.

“I can’t take it anymore,” he started. “If you can’t change how you’re acting, and fast, I’m going to get a divorce.”

“No you’re not,” I calmly replied. “I know you’re not serious. I know you wouldn’t do that. I know you’re just trying to snap me out of it.”

And then, between God and Husband, I finally just gave up. I had had enough.

I threw up my hands in frustration and exhaustion and just quit looking. I turned my attention to training the puppy we had recently adopted, hosting our usual Easter Egg Hunt for about a dozen families, and working on the house. And I volunteered to start a Junior Achievement program at our older son’s school.

Now that I write all of that, it sounds pretty cray-cray, even without looking for a business. Suddenly I’m wishing for the energy I had at 40!

Manna from Heaven

Then, out of nowhere, the heavens opened, and manna fell.

Husband ran into Ralph at the office. Ralph had worked in the executive suite. He had taken early retirement when I had taken the layoff. And he was back in the office visiting for the day.

Neither Husband nor I knew him very well, but he apparently knew what we did.

He asked Husband what I had been doing since the layoff. Upon finding out my situation, he told Husband he needed someone with my skills to help with a consulting project. Would I be interested?

Bam. There it was. Manna.

Just to be sure, I checked in with God.

On June 28, 1995, right before I finalized the agreement to go into consulting, with Ralph, I received this guidance:

And now about Ralph. You can trust him implicitly. He is a man of great integrity and seeks your welfare along with his own. You will work well together if you but approach him with the same trust, frankness (gently, please) and honesty with which you deal with Husband…

You need not worry about not having enough perceived guidance from me on business matters. Indeed, I often guide your thoughts in ways you know not of, leading you to where I think you ought to be for my purposes and for your eternal benefit. Amen.

And with that reassurance, I happily went straight to work. Exactly on time. I had been out of work for six months.

It Was Enough

Now, I’d like to be able to tell you I went on to an illustrious career as a consultant. Not quite. Ralph and I worked on a couple of projects together. Then I worked with another ex-Westinghouse person on a couple more projects. That was about it.

But it was enough. Just enough. Like manna was in the Bible (Exodus 16).

I was able to buy a personal computer. I made a little money. I took a bunch of computer courses (MS Access, Advanced Excel, etc.) with the educational reimbursement allowance from Westinghouse. I got acquainted with the Internet.

And, eventually, Husband was laid off and we started a business together. But that’s another story for another book.

The Impact of Guidance: Lessons Learned

As I look back on this entire 3-chapter story arc–the single best illustration of the impact of Guidance on my life–there are a few lessons here:

The Creator’s timing is perfect.

Corollary: Trust the timing. Don’t rush it. Otherwise, you’ll get yourself all worked up for nothing.

Corollary: Don’t get your hopes up over non-specific words like “not much longer” from the Voice of the Infinite. The Infinite’s perspective on time is a little different than ours.

Life is a roller coaster.

Corollary: Sometimes it’s a long slog to get to the top of the lift hill. And then a long, fast drop on the other side.

Corollary: It’s more fun if you don’t hang on too tightly. Throw your hands up in the air and enjoy the ride. (Tip: Screaming is a great release.)

Corollary: Listening for Guidance is like sitting in the front seat. You’re in a better position to see what’s coming.

Holy Spirit is the ultimate guidance counselor.

Corollary: Spirit can help with priorities.

Corollary: Spirit knows things about you that you might not have noticed.

Corollary: Spirit won’t tell you what to do, but will point out things that make no sense for you.

And finally:

Listening for Guidance can change your life.

It has definitely changed mine.

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